Santa Isn't Real and Other Disappointments - And How to Deal

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Life is full of disappointments for Millennials. Over and over again we are faced with the realization that things are not what we expected them to be. Santa isn't real. Milli Vanilli [2] wasn't really singing. Capri pants [3] are not actually flattering on anyone. And the Wizard of Oz is just a little man behind a curtain. And these disappointments occasionally pervade our work as well. We are a very idealistic generation, with very high standards for ourselves, our organizations, our colleagues and our politicians, but we have had to face disappointments in the organizations we have been involved with and our sector as a whole.

In conversations with my peers, I have found recurring themes of disappointment. There's competition where we expected collaboration, ego where we expected humility. I recently saw someone tweet about how disappointing it is to learn that a nonprofit organization you trust and admire does not treat their employees well. Many of us felt mislead when we first learned about that our loan to Kiva wasn't really helping the taxi company entrepreneur [4] buy his first car in Tanzania. The Red Cross's response to helping victims of 9/11, and then Katrina, was criticized [5] for lacking transparency, accountability and cooperation. The Center for Civic Education appears to have misused almost $6 million in taxpayer money [6]. In many cases we may find, upon closer inspection that these things can be explained by efficacy and simplicity, or were misunderstandings. But they can still be hard to swallow.

I am disappointed (and annoyed, frankly) every time I see an organization that I have previously supported represented by what some appropriately call “chuggers” (charity muggers) [7] - those people with clipboards that follow you down the street, making you feel like a criminal because you don't "have a minute to save the environment" or "care to help change the lot of a single mother in a developing country." I don't like that my previously donated dollars could be paying someone to harass me on the street, and it goes against what I believe about charitable giving by paying people to stand on the street and beg for money from complete strangers who have no known connection to or interest in their cause or relationship with the person asking, not to mention the questions about efficacy, damage to brand, or fair labor practices.

And while there are valid reasons for many of the things we find disappointing, we end up feeling jaded about organizations we work for, partner with or give to. One temptation might be to launch our own initiatives because at least we know that we won't sell out, we won't treat people poorly, we won't lose sight of our mission, we won't misuse funds. But we already know [8] I don't think that being disillusioned with how a few organizations function qualifies you to start your own. And we realize that just up and leaving the sector isn't going to fix anything either. So what do we do? How do we regain perspective? A few ideas:

• Volunteer with another organization. Get a little outside your nonprofit and get back to the face-to-face, remember why you are doing what you're doing. Every time I spend a little time with the City Year Corps [9] here in D.C., I feel a little better about our world and it’s future. We are all flawed people, so we bring those flaws to work sometimes, but we are here to make a difference and I really believe we are doing that.
• Do a reality check. We have a tendency to be a very idealistic generation - and I love that about us. It drives us to go hard after things that previous generations didn’t think were possible, didn’t value as important, or both, and we will achieve many of them, but swallowing a healthy dose of realism could help keep us from becoming totally jaded. No organization is perfect, and not everything is black and white. To employ a couple more clichés, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, but take off the rose-colored glasses, accept how things work sometimes, and you will begin to see how you can best function in this space and make the greatest difference you can in an imperfect world.
• Spend some time with a mentor. I think it's always interesting to contrast my experience with those of the people who have been doing this longer than I have. My dad didn't always love his job, but he stuck with the same organization for 30 years because that's what people did. As a woman, I am conscious that many of the women we work with have had to fight to overcome adversity from all sides: men who don't respect them as superiors, other mothers who think they shouldn't be working with children at home. There have always been disappointments in this, and every, sector, but we will continue to fight to improve it, just like the Boomers did, and hearing about that occasionally could do us some good.
• Consider appropriate channels and opportunities to express your concerns. If we aren't doing anything about it, it's not helpful to sit around and lament. So, taking a dose of my own medicine, I've written an email to an organization who regularly sends me updates and requests for donations, who I have supported in the past, but who I've felt kind of "ew" about since I've been accosted by their chuggers on the street. I know my email probably won't change their practices. If so many organizations have started harassing people on the street, it must work. But one instance of feedback is better than none, and I will have done my part. As we saw with Kiva, constructive, public criticism can be really productive. They responded well [10], explaining their methods and resolving to be more transparent in the future about what making a loan through Kiva really means.

Life is not really a box of chocolates, and there are sour moments when we see the man behind the curtain. But we aren't quitters, so let's learn from disappointments, gain perspective from those who can provide it and continue to challenge each other to be better.