Mentor

(A special two-part blog post covering the 2010 Independent Sector NGen Ambassador Lunch. Read the companion piece, The Changing Faces of Mentorship-For the Mentor)

Have you found the right hair stylist, job, primary care physician or significant other? The right mentor? If you can claim having anywhere from two to four of these nailed down then you’re doing pretty well. For the overachievers reading this who have all five, congratulations, you’re halfway to winning at the game of Life.

Arguably one of the most often overlooked and underutilized “milestones” on this life checklist for Millennials is that of finding the right mentor. There probably has at one time or another been a mentor in your life or at least the suggestion of one—someone who you looked to for guidance, advice and information because of their unique experience and knowledge. Take a moment to consider the status of that relationship and its value to you.

Whether you are drawing a blank or reminiscing about your mentor, it’s time to take another look at how you define a “mentor” and what that title means. The idea that a mentorship is focused on a mentor advising a mentee only is long gone. This traditional view of mentorship has evolved into an era of “mutual mentorship” that is changing the professional landscape.

Independent Sector hosted a special mentoring luncheon during its 2010 Annual Conference, taking place this week, to look at this new dynamic. Leaders from the next generation (NGen) and the nonprofit and philanthropic sectors (Ambassadors) came together during this progressive-style lunch to learn from one another and to discuss the role of young leaders in the professional community. With each new course, attendees had to move to a new table and engage a new mix of people.

Upendo Shabazz-Phillips of the Alleghany Franciscan Ministry is one of the young leaders who participated in the NGen luncheon. For Shabazz-Phillips, who found NGen at the direction of a senior colleague, “the event helps to build and sustain talent in the sector.” Many of the ambassadors and NGen attendees came to the luncheon for this very same reason.

The event opened with a dynamic discussion about personal life lessons on mentoring from Brian Gallagher, President and CEO of United Way Worldwide; Diana Aviv, President and CEO of Independent Sector; and Susan Berresford, Independent Sector Board Member. The discussion yielded several important reflections valuable to today’s younger professionals that may just change the way you think about mentorships:

You Better Shop Around

Unlike the traditional model of one mentor for every mentee, you may have two, three or 10 different mentors throughout your professional career. Each mentor can advise and consult with you on different matters.  As Aviv notes, “you don’t always get everything from one mentor.”

More importantly than having a plethora of mentors is finding the right one(s). This means identifying individuals who have a connection with you and help you create that special spark critical for mentoring relationships. Berresford added that it might be someone who you don’t even know, but simply find intriguing.

That’s What Friends Are For

A big question for many mentees today is how to relate to your mentor… is he/she a friend, colleague, peer, superior? The once solid lines of mentorship are becoming increasingly blurred with this new relationship model. Berresford believes that those engaged in a mentoring relationship should find the right fit for them—whether that is becoming personal friends or maintaining a professional relationship.

Ain’t Nothing Like the Real Thing

Mentees should be willing to talk candidly about their performance, goals, expectations, successes and failures with their mentors. Both Aviv and Berresford advise that the success of any mentor/mentee relationship is based on trust in the other. As Berresford reminds us, “Be courageous, learn from your mistakes.”

One is the Loneliest Number

Not necessarily… the panel at this event notes that this evolved mentorship dynamic is not necessarily the right fit for every young professional. At the end of the day, you don’t have to have a mentor to be successful. There are alternatives, for example a supervisor or colleague who you can turn to occasionally for professional advice, but not necessarily develop a full-fledged mentorship.

Lean on Me

Ultimately, Berresford concludes that a good relationship is one in which a mentor and mentee can admire one another; can teach one another; and can confide in and trust in one another.

The truth of the matter is, it’s a relief not to have to know everything all the time, be perfect all of the time or have the right answer all of the time. In this day and age of instant gratification and expanded choices, I think we can all agree that it’s a luxury to have someone who we can turn to for advice. While mentors are not the answer to every professional challenge you may face, they are there to play a significant role in your professional development. (Check out more modern day mentoring ideas from past Social Citizens posts.)

What I want to know now is what the evolving relationship dynamic means for mentees and their role in the relationship. Does this mean that mentees must now step up their game to stay on this two-way street, rather than playing the part of the traditional “passive” mentee? What’s your definition of a mentor and mentee? Do you agree with these observations about the evolution of mentorships?